Posted by: Shanie Matthews | December 28, 2009

5 Tools to Finding Dating Happiness

You are fun, interesting, attractive, and uniquely you. So why is it hard to find a date? It could be that you are not doing things in a positive “dateable” way.

Below are five questions to ask yourself on your journey to happy dating. Continuing reading to learn how you can make positive change…

1. “Would I want to date myself?” By asking yourself this question and answering it honestly, you are able to see what parts of the self may need to be worked on. You may have heard the comment that if you don’t love yourself, than no one else will. It may sound a bit harsh, but the reality is, is that self-love helps draw people closer. It is important to create yourself in to the best package possible. You can improve your date-ability by such simple steps as self-education classes, exercise, meditation, or yoga, for example. Kimberly Williams, author of the dating book “The Basics” suggests “Something as simple as a manicure or pedicure helps keep you feeling better about yourself.” It doesn’t have to be drastic, but it should help you feel better about answering “Would I want to date myself?” with a resounding YES!

2. “How is my body language?” The way that we are initially perceived by other is by what they see. First impressions are vitally important. If you have your arms crossed over your chest, a stern look on your face, or are frowning, you may be stomping out your chances before they even begin. It is important to keep yourself seemingly relaxed. Holding yourself in an open and relaxed manner is a huge proponent in helping others feel comfortable about approaching a stranger. It also shows that you feel confident in your own skin, which according to Evan Mark Katz, author and creator of, is one of things that men respond to most. But showing that confidence in a self-appreciating way is also critical. Stephany Alexander, the creator of, suggests against dressing too provocatively because, “then you are going to attract the wrong people.” By dressing in a smart, sexy, and classy way, you will not only help show that you are a confidant woman, but you will also be able to hold yourself in a manner that exudes assurance and approachability.

3. “How is my communication?” Though we are all human beings, it is different talking to men than it is talking to our lady friends. Katz suggests getting to know men on a deeper level. “I think that we create a big chasm when we think about the opposite sex and I would ask any woman that might be reading this, “Wouldn’t it be better if men understood you?” I suggest befriending them, talking to them and learning from them.” By becoming friends with men that you are interested in, you learn what those men are all about. This not only helps in conversations, but also helps you understand who he is when it moves beyond the first date. When you understand what makes his mind tick, you understand what makes him who he is, which makes men’s actions a lot less mysterious. Williams reiterates this feeling, “Find out what he likes to talk about, keep it light and listen. Find out about the person.”

Another important point with communicating and learning from men is that it helps you discover if you really have things in common with the type of man that you find most attractive. Alexander makes a good point that, “the more things that you have in common, the more things that you can do together…and that alikeness can lead to love.”

4. “Are you putting yourself out there?” In the opinion of most experts, the most important factor in not finding a date is not putting yourself out there. It is extremely important to put yourself in a place where there are men that you want to meet. Williams proposes using areas that will be occupied by affluent men such as “…upscale coffee houses or men’s dress shops.” Other places of opportunity are classes about subjects that you are interested in or giving time to a cause that means something to you. Alexander suggests against meeting someone in a bar, but instead “…meeting men in places such as a school, church or volunteer organization, because then you know that he believes in the same causes as you.” By putting yourself in a place that has like-minded people, you might just be making that step that brings you closer to love.

5. “Have you ventured beyond your box?” People tend to get caught up in their own movie of life and forget that there are many other multiplex cinemas out there. If you embark on a trip beyond what your life entails, you might be delighted with what you find. Katz agrees, “We have our interests, our lives and our home, but the odds of meeting Mr. Right in a common, day to day basis are astronomically slim and that’s why I think that anything one does to make an effort to put themselves out beyond their normal world, in the reason to meet someone, makes your chances increase. You could be the most happy, likeable, kind person in the world, if you don’t meet single men, it doesn’t matter.” If this seems frightening, it’s okay to ask for help. Alexander makes the point that “… if you don’t take action, you don’t get reaction. You can tell your friends and family that you are single; you can network through them, or pick up new hobbies like skiing, for example. You can also utilize dating websites on the internet.” Expanding your world will not only amplify your life, but will also open doors to new dating opportunities.

The dating world can seem scary, harsh and seemingly impossible at times. But don’t be discouraged. Ask yourself these crucial questions and they might spark an idea or thought that hadn’t occurred to you. And those new cerebrations might just be the link to a fresh start and happy path in the world of love.


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