Posted by: Shanie Matthews | May 6, 2010

My “Me” Month

First, I want to apologize for the lapse in postings.

April became a month of “me” time. I decided that to truly appreciate the now and the healing that was taking place in my soul, that I deserved to take an entire month to just concentrate on what makes Shanie happy.

And now thirty days later I can honestly say that I feel like a new person. Happier. More able to stay in center despite the bumps of life. Seeing things from a whole new perspective.

I am not sure exactly if the last month had one aspect to it, in particular, that has helped me continue to meander along my happy path. No. In reality there were many things that I incorporated, shifted or changed that contributed to this connection with self.

I, for the first time in my life, began a dialogue and relationship with the younger personalities in me that had been crying out for love, understanding and acknowledgment since childhood. This bonding has helped me profoundly. I now understand so much about my past that had only confused me before. Everything that I have been wrestling with makes sense after hearing the inner stories of my childhood that I didn’t want to listen to. Taking the responsibility for my inner children helps me be completely responsible for my happiness, and excited and stoked to do so. I now know that I am the mother, father and soul mate for all of those kiddo personalities that are linked to my feelings of sadness, loneliness, and unworthiness. And now that they feel heard, love, and cherished, living in a state of happiness is so much easier.

At this same time, I, coincidentally or not, had a trip back home to the U.S. It was exactly what my inner self-love work needed. Checking in with myself and my inner kiddos, it was abundantly clear that there were two things that “we” all needed…lots of time with great friends and a voluminous amount of skiing at Squaw Valley (the Mother Ship, otherwise known as KT-22, in particular).

Living abroad, I had not realized — or maybe not wanted to think about — exactly how much I missed loved ones. Being with those that loved me, had known me for a long time, and who missed me when I wasn’t around was deeply touching. I found myself absorbing the present…listening intently to the sharing of stories. Laughing so hard our bellies hurt and tears sprung from our eyes. Hugs so tight that the air was squished out from the abundance of love. One of my girlfriends who had just had a child had to keep reminding me to lessen the squeeze so not to pop her boobies filled with mommy’s nurturing milk. I am sure this will be a joke we share for many, many years to come. The accumulation of these moments left me with the resounding realization that these people cherish me, and I cherish them.

And then there was skiing. As I come upon my 32nd season of playing with luscious snow and gravity in the mountains, it sank in that I am a lifelong ski bum. My passionate love affair with this amazing sport still has me continually yearning for more. It makes my soul sing. It makes me giggle with delight. It makes me shed tears of joy. I love it. My inner kiddos love it. It just makes us feel stoked. Not to mention that the practice of yoga has helped me to enter the top of my game. Fluidity combined with speed is a great combination, especially when involving the breathwork learned on the mat. I may be 36, but I am skiing better and having much more fun out there than I was at 26 or 16.

So, in hindsight, this month of “me” time has been the connection that I needed. I feel like a whole new person, because I am a whole new person. My connection with my inner kiddos has shown me the light. Enjoy and take care of those that take care of you. Embrace your passion and live within it. And love all of you, the inner kiddos, too.

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